Whatsername ([info]st_minority) wrote,
@ 2008-04-15 00:52:00
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I honestly didn't think I'd ever here from her again. After 8 months she finally sends a message back to me addressing the one I had sent her.

I don't know what to do. Try to mend a broken friendship? Start over? Go separate ways like we have been? I treat my friends well; I treat them real well. And they treat me well in turn. But with her - I did everything I could to help her whenever she needed it; I was there always. I didn't expect her to be some outstanding friend, I just wanted her to be a friend. She was never there. She never followed through with what she said she would do. She's gotten into drinking, hangs out with god knows who - probably some always semi-wasted and not a real positive influence group of people.

I forced myself not to make contact with her because I always was the one who would do it; I wanted to see if she would message/call me. She didn't. And now here she is - 8 god damn months later. What do you do? I don't want to sound completely bitter and bitchy if I write back to her because I'm not. I'm just disappointed and hurt and distrustful of her now.

Fuck. Why after all this time?!

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[info]lefemme
2008-04-15 06:26 am UTC (link)
My guess is she's nearly hit the bottom, burned bridges, burned through her resources and list of friends, and she needs something other than friendship... money? A place to live?

Sorry for my cynical viewpoint, but I know this cycle, and she'll use you. I had to let go my best friend years ago in a similar fashion.

My advice is, don't contact her, save yourself the heartache.

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[info]st_minority
2008-04-20 06:18 am UTC (link)
The sad part is is that I believe those are all possibilities. :( I don't know if letting her go will make me feel any better though. I'm so confused! I'll sit on it another week. Thanks for your comment/help darling. :)

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[info]rose_melody2
2008-04-15 06:11 pm UTC (link)
It sounds like she needs something from you.

If I were you, I wouldn't message her back. But then maybe she'll call you or something, and if you can hear sincerity in her voice, then go for it.

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[info]theidolhands
2008-04-16 02:15 pm UTC (link)
It's true. You are. And I understand. Only you can decide wether to make contact, wether it will haunt you not to (knowing your natures it may). But you'd have to ask her why she's contacting after all this time yourself - you could even use this post, it's perfect - sentences like, "I don't want to sound...Why after all this time?". It's funny, often what we say to others is exactly what we should say TO the individual being discussed.

Of course, then you have to believe the answer. Spring Break has a lot to do with it probably, free time. It is strange that she does not specify herself why the contact is being made, she should have. The time gone by is rude, to say the least, there is a phrase, "Too little, too late". Possibly it is no more than guilt, to force you to be the one to officially end it since you can't say she never responded.

One of the steps to maturity is to know the difference between being forgiving and being used or being a doormat. Another lesson I've found in life is that you're lucky to know who you can't trust even if that knowledge is painful. And it is better not to deal with those individuals once that is established, keep distance, make room for those that can be trusted - real friends who do not leave the weight of lingering doubt; real friendships don't hurt or drain, same for relationships. Perhaps it is time to let go and say a prayer instead. I know that too can take bravery.

It does sound like you choose to be a different sort of adult than her, those are paths upon which we divide and change. That's why those choices do matter. Things are allowed to die a natural death.

The lesson you learn will ultimately be yours, these are only humble thoughts. As rosemelody2 above me states, sincerity and apology say a lot but you are also free to choose what sort of person you wish to devote time and attention to. Lastly, I will say that I am sorry for your pain since it is obvious that you care(d).

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[info]st_minority
2008-04-20 06:15 am UTC (link)
I really don't know what to do. Part of me wants to agree with everyone and not contact her, but then part of me feels like a bad person if I don't. There never was really any closure, and maybe that's what I'm looking for if I reply to her. I would believe her answer; she never was completly untrustworthy, rather just not dependable and crap like that. And she sounded sincere in the message; I didn't even think she missed me at all or gave me another thought until she sent that. But was she dwelling on failed friendships over that time period? Probably not. Probably just hit her one day like, "Oh yeah. Maybe I should reply." Then I think I'm not giving her enough credit by thinking that.

This compassionate, over-caring part of me needs to die. Not completely, but just enough to not make me feel guilty and bad for not trying to talk to her again a few months after I had sent my message and for wanting to just forgive it all and try to resurrect a friendship. I don't know what I want and I don't know what to do.

Thanks for the little pep-talk/advice/insight comment. :D

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(Anonymous)
2008-04-24 05:08 am UTC (link)
Stacia's a whorefaced slut bitch. If she couldn't take the time to get back to you 8 months ago she obviously doesn't regard your friendship that highly. Sometimes you just have to let people go. I'm sure she wasn't always like this but she's gotten into some bad shit. It's just gonna cause you more stress and heartache to try mending this, especially if it's one-sided because I know she won't be trying.

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